response to Janie Rezner

Francine's Letter To A Friend:

My hope is that you read this carefully because it is a sincere attempt on my part to explain my feelings about a subject very dear to my heart. And that if you have questions about my meaning that you would ask me to explain further, because I am sure I have left somethings out and/or have been less than 100% clear throughout.

What I want to convey is that the 'fundamental problem' is deeper than women being 'subordinate' to men. It is more complex than women being subordinate to husbands/partners, than equal pay for equal work, than family friendly workplace schedules or whatever. And I know from what you said, that you know this too. I just want to go into more depth with it...

My educated guess is Ms. Rezner wrote the part about the Dalai Lama (which was only half of what she talked about btw in the whole piece) out of a knee jerk, et tu Brute? response. I believe she was railing against the Dalia Lama's words because she had believed he was different, and then was presented with evidence to the contrary. It was out of deep disappointment and a despair which I don't think any man could fully comprehend, that she 'reacted' in a less than mature way. Knowing his words are heeded around the world, I imagine it felt to her like a slap in the face.

That's what I was referring to when I said there exists a deep soulful outrage in the psyche of women - and women do make up greater than 50% of humanity. Therefore, humanity' is deeply impacted by this. Humanity's Anima can and does emerge as negativity. It does so in a desperate attempt to be seen because that is how shadow functions. Like any shadow the need is to be accepted, loved and brought into the fold although its methods at first glance can appear sinister. Unconditional Love means acceptance, even of that which is not fully understood: A hurt spouse will come home after a bad day at work, grumpy and unfriendly, not because they are 'bad' or 'difficult' but because they want the other to recognize their hurt and comfort them. Children pound their fists on their mothers breast when they are unhappy. I am not saying it's an effective or mature approach. I am saying it happens. Unconditional Love embraces it all.

So the Dalai Lama probably is very much a 'partnership guy' but he is also a guy. And guys don't get that the way gals do. What I was saying, with regards to creating the culture you hope for, is guys and gals see things differently. So there is a need to bring the feminine perspective into the fold - and all the men I've ever known don't have a clue what that really means.
I thought that was what the piece was about, an attempt to convey a feminine perspective to any and all who would take the time to not just listen but to hear. (it isn't about the anger remember? its about the wanting to be loved) And the women I know who have read it see it this way too.

So yes I am looking, not for tit for tat 'equality', although that is part of it. What I want and need is a voice that is heard, not dismissed out of hand because it comes with breasts and a vagina. As most discriminatory practices are unconscious to those who employ them, mindfulness and awareness are required to truly free oneself of them. Institutionalized prejudice is subtle, Steve, even to those who make a daily practice of staying 'awake', even I would venture to say, to the Dalai Lama.

So this is not, to me, a simple matter. But it is a matter of importance to our survival as a species. And I hear clearly in your words a willingness to stay open to what may not be fully understandable in order to live together in a cooperative way. I think what you are looking for is "real partnership, that is, an equal right to be happy and satisfied with whatever decisions are made by the couple (or group, of course)". Am I right about that?

I agree wholeheartedly that many of our problems would 'evaporate quickly' if men and women truly considered each other as equal partners. But tolerance cannot be legislated even if there were a will for it which I see no indication of... It can be taught, but I see even less evidence for that. And having never experienced anything remotely like culturally accepted equality between men and women, nor seen a model for it anywhere, it seems like a dream. But I'm all for following dreams - what better way do I have to spend my time? watching TV? ;-p I think not...

xoxo Love you!
Francine